Deep Breath

Scale for BootcampHello, friends. Yes, I am still here and I still have much to share. Today, I want to update you on my journey of weight loss. Many of you had been following this vein of my blog with great interest back when I was in the thick of bootcamp, battling through numbers and frustration as I slowly crept towards my goal. Since then a lot has transpired….

When we last left off, I was approaching the end of my 10 week stint and had dropped down to 205 pounds. If you remember, my goal was to get below 200 pounds before my 30th birthday, April 24. Back in January/February, such a goal seemed like it would be a no brainer – in fact, I projected I would far exceed it. Did this happen? No. The lowest I saw my scale was 202, which occurred in the second week of April. At the time I was excited for boot camp to end. No more being held to a 6am start time, free to make my own work out schedule… But within two days of finishing boot camp I reverted back to my old ways. It was quite alarming – like a recovered alcoholic slipping back into the drink after years of sobriety. Now granted, I had planned to have a week of indulgence for my birthday, but let’s face it: it wasn’t my birthday week yet. And even if it was, it was still way too much.

Though I knew I was going really overboard, I just sort of let it happen. I’ve been here before: I wanted to remind myself how terrible I feel when I eat in such extreme excess. Let myself spiral downward until I feel so awful that I finally just snap out of it. The last weekend in April I was on the scoring stage with Thomas Newman at Fox. They keep a huge array of food out for the musicians – a cornucopia of empty carbohydrates and self-loathing. For two of my three days there this included an entire table devoted to Porto’s Bakery. I ate cookie after cookie after cookie and then went to the green room for the lunch buffet. When I used the alcohol analogy earlier, I wasn’t exaggerating – it is that level of addiction. Clearly not the food table’s fault.

By the time the first week of May rolled around, all the birthday hubbub was over; the cakes gone, the candies and treats cleared out. As I began to get back in touch with my life, I realized that (at least at that point in time) I was unable to take control of myself, therefore I needed a structure. I needed to regain a focused effort on a goal. I needed boot camp. Though I convinced myself I was ready for a break, in truth I was not even close. My ultimate goal was to be in the 180s and at 202, I still had a ways to go.

So, on Thursday May 2, I was back on the bike at 6am… and it felt amazing. In my last stint I wrote about many times where I felt frustrated. As much as I was working hard, I was also allowing myself to give in to poor states of mind: “oh it’s just sometimes impossible for me to get in at 6am” and “this diet is not really sustainable” etc etc. This time around, I am in a state of zen. I don’t think about the time, I don’t think about the food that I am eating or want to eat or wish I was eating. I just simply do it. Who cares if it’s early? Who cares if I hit a few road blocks? The time away from bootcamp was so necessary: it taught me that not only is intense exercise good for me, it makes me a better me. In many ways, I need it. And I am grateful that the ladies at RPM are affording me the opportunity to go at it once again.

On Thursday I was 214 pounds. This morning, 6 days later, I was 209. A good start. Just need to keep it going. Deep breath…

Ebbing and Flowing

Total Body CleanseLast blog weigh-in:         217
This morning’s number: 215

It’s Monday and that means it’s time for a bootcamp update. If you remember my bootcamp post from last week, you know that the last 10-ish days have been trying for me. I had been dealing with some serious digestive issues, which in turn caused my numbers to stop moving, which in turn was making me feel gross and frustrated. Never a fun emotion to have to navigate, especially when trying to lose weight. But, as I said last week, hurdles such as this are inevitable with any lifestyle change. One must simply keep going.

Today I’m happy to be coming at you on a much lighter and more hopeful note. As you can see from my weigh-in numbers at the top, I am once again on the way down. After weeks of distress I finally went in for a colonic on Thursday. I have done these many times before and highly recommend them to all, but this one in particular was a revelation. Angels sang, clouds parted, spirits soared… it was just what I needed. By Friday afternoon I felt completely light and empty for the first time in weeks. Since then I have begun a 14-day herbal cleanse and will be going in for 5 more treatments. All of this will not only get me squeaky clean, but will (hopefully) reset the workings of my apparently polluted colon. Fingers crossed. In the meantime, I am once again excited and filled with optimism. My body is getting noticeably smaller – I have gotten so many looks and compliments. It shouldn’t be long before we see those numbers catch up. Eee!

This week at bootcamp is what they call “Skinny Week” where they narrow down our diet even further to promote an exceptional period of results. With only two weeks left on this first 5-week stint, I’m hoping that this will allow me to catch up some time I lost while battling with my gut. Wish me luck!

In honor of skinny week, stay tuned for inspired recipes and healthy Los Angeles eats!

Case of the Mondays

Sprinkles Cupcakes Beverly HillsIt’s Monday and we all know what that means. Time to post about bootcamp. I confess this is not a post I had been looking forward to. Why? Because I have to report that my numbers stayed the same this week. Shocking as it may sound, what with all the exercise and dietary restrictions, this sort of thing happens, even to the most meticulous practicers. For me, it always comes down to digestive issues. If you’re not properly digesting your food, you are not going to see the results in your numbers. When embarking on a healthy quest such as this I always always encounter this problem. It’s unavoidable.

As I laid here thinking about this post this morning, I was thinking about how I would give this a positive spin. Some bs about how it’s enough to see my body change and that it still feels so good to be so committed to a regimen of health and exercise and blah blah blah… But you know what? You know what the hard honest truth is? It’s frustrating as hell. To work hard every single day and discover that you are at a standstill. And for all of you who are following this blog and going through your own weight loss journeys, you are going to have weeks/days/moments like this too. Even if you are the most meticulous, consistent, dedicated individual, there are going to be some hurdles, some bumps in your road. Maybe you get sick, maybe work piles up, or maybe you simply can’t take a sh*t. Whatever it turns out to be, it’s important to remember that it’s ok to get frustrated. It’s ok to have a day or a week where you feel crappy and you have a hard time remembering why it is you’re getting up everyday at 5am and spending so much time and effort eating vegetables and green juice. Ugh.

BUT. It is equally important to keep going. Remember that these bumps and hurdles are just that – they can be overcome. Yes, allow yourself to be frustrated. It’s ok. But then take a minute, turn off the TV, switch off your computer, put your phone on silent, treat yourself to a cupcake, and remind yourself of all that you have accomplished. Remember that the world hasn’t ended, that you haven’t nor will you gain back all the weight you’ve lost over night, nor will a little bump prevent you from reaching your goal. Think of how far you’ll go and how great you’ll feel down the road once you’ve thrown yourself over that hurdle… Then everything isn’t so bad, is it?

Now, put down that cupcake, take a deep breath, and carry on. :-)